Alright, for now, I will post some more poetry. Just know, I can always resort to stating that I have no more poems. Which would only be a lie if you sifted through my notebooks and translated my handwriting to find out the truth....so ha!. By the way, I thank you all for commenting a little more. It is sad I have to make threats to get you all to talk. But, being mean, I can threaten all I want.
I do want to ask for a moment of silence. It is not just for my beloved Tigers who lost to a filthy vermin know as a razorback nor is it because I rode 4 1/2 hours to see my team go down in triple over time. I can handle such wretched truths in life. I am calling for a moment of silence for all those people who find it humorous to belittle my weak heart and make the tragic events of last Friday a mockery. So, before you read the follow lines......please pause.....enjoy the silence......and remember....even Youth Minister with amazing ninja skilz.....bleed....
This was written about 6 months before I moved to Center.
"Just Let Go"
I see the cliff before me
Its sharp edges pierce my toes
I can feel the air around me
blowing through my hair
My eyes fill with moist fear
running down the curves of my bravery
I cling to the memories
and reasons to stay here
'Don't make me jump," I scream
in the darkness of echoes
I scream it louder
louder
louder
until my voice becomes an inaudible vibrations in the air
I can not see the bottom
the unknown convinces my assumptions
then a voice like thunder whispers in
my ear
let go
let go
let go
I look into the sky and cry for a sign
a dove or eagle, an olive branch
something
then the soft whisper of thunder blew through
my ear as a mother who calls her
crying child
"I am with you,"
I look again into the darkness
a little closer it seems
because I swear in the nothingness I see
open hands, palms up and a voice says
jump
jump
jump
so I closed my eyes
jumped
and never touched the ground.
April 9, 2006
10 comments:
Josh, this poem I think I relate to the most. To be honest, I'm struggling with jumping off of the cliff. It's dark and unknown, and it's the scariest thing. But the more I wait, the more I feel God tugging at me, convicting me, and it makes me miserable. I know God wants me to go out and scream His name out, and tell everyone about what He's done for them. But everytime I go to, I flake out, go home, get convicted, open the Word, and see how easy I really have it. I start looking at what the disciples of Christ went through, and I begin to build myself up, I learn from the Word, then I go to share my faith, flake out. I know that God having me do a Bible study over John isn't coinkidink. Today we went over Christ's prayer in chapter 17, and as I studied for it, I began to be convicted and Christ just started putting the ninja kicks all in my face. So after studying it and feeling like a complete loser for being a pansy, I pick up Starving Jesus. Low and behold God wasn't done with me. I start reading about these guys who are making half a million dollars a year, and realize that their life is utter crap the way their living. They drop everything in one day, and lay down their lives for Christ. Then they go into porn conventions and share their faith. And I'm too afraid to tell people I'm around everyday about a Guy who has completely changed my life. A Guy that because of His sacrifice I have the chance to hang out with Him and His Dad for eternity, and I'm afraid to step out for Him. I hope that someone can relate to this. I know I'm not alone in this fight, and neither is anyone else that is struggling with something.
wow! i really like this poem! its just idk i cant quit word it but its good!once i figure out wat i want to say ill type it tomorrow!
David,
Man I understand. I wrote this at at time of deep fear. In many ways I live in fear. I struggle to find that place in life where I have shaved off the skin of myself and clothed myself in Christ. I know it takes a decision to forget this world but it is a tough decision to make. I am tired of the mask and falsehoods. I want to be something real and alive.
ok so i figured out what i think it is....ok well the first time i read it i was thinking of like literally jumping off a cliff b/c for me hard times make me want to do just that but i dont....then when i read it for the second time just a minute ago i kinda got what david was saying....its kinda like saying let go and go out and share.....but whats hard about that for me is i tend to judge ppl...i dont do it all the time when i meet someone new but i do do it where it becomes bad....so its hard for me to get past the first assumptions of ppl even though i should.
I feel as though many of us want to go out and do something "big" for Christ.. But I struggle with what doing something "big" for Christ is. Going to the boardwalk and sharing your faith isn't my idea of doing something "big" for Christ. I believe this is just a good way to play Christian. Many would take this and just play a game with it. I believe doing something "big" for Christ is doing the very thing that I'm so desperately struggling with. The disciples never went out to a huge place that had tons of stores. And when they did, I can assure you they didn't shop. I struggle with why it is that we only want to do things that has a huge group around us. Christ wants people who are willing to die to themselves and be born in Him. I also struggle with why we think we have to have Josh make up some big event for us, so we can go do it. If we wait around for Josh to do everything for us, what happens when we graduate? What if God takes us to a place where there is no one there who believe in Him but you? No one is going to plan an even for you to soak up your spirit points then. Josh doesn't spoon feed us because he realizes this, and it's something that I'm coming to realize. I say this not as an attack because I fall to this as well, these are just some thoughts.
I love the poem...Love it Love it Love it!
My favorite part of the poem is
"So I closed my eyes, jumped, and never touched the ground."
That just made me smile. I mean seriously...My sister saw me smile and wanted to know what I was smiling about. lol...but yeah. You're afraid to go through with something...because you know you're gonna hit the ground...But God is there and he'll catch you and lift you up. Just have that leap of faith. He won't let you fall on your face...
This poem really spoke to me...It's my favorite poem you've wrote so far.
You know...I should "just let go" with my worries and fears.
Life would be so much easier if we would stop worrying about the future...worrying about tommorow...fearing of sharing our faith. I know...I shouldn't be talking..I worry about everything...EVERYTHING..No lie.
But you know..it seems all day today God has been telling me to "Chill" It's kinda neat. And then I check the blog and it talks about "letting go"
God speaks. :-)
Lauren I agree with you about the last line being my favorite part, because it illustrates God saying,
"Hey I'm here, I was here all along." And from that perspective I think that one could also draw that it's ok that you were afraid, becuase you jumped in the long run, and that's what God wants.
Joshua,
I remember you reading this poem to Spencer and i during the end of one of your Bible classes a couple of years ago at ETCS. You were going through a journal type book of poems and stuff that you had written, when you saw that this one and decided to share it with us. It's stayed with me since... the last part especially stood out to me,("so I closed my eyes jumped and never touched the ground."). And the cool thing is i'll be sitting in class, almost two years from when you first read it to me, and it will suddenly come to mind. It really does encourage me to just LET GO and trust Jesus with the rest- to know that He'll be there to catch you every time.
Your poem so perfectly illustrates that struggle so many of us face. When i heard it for the first time, the day you read it in class, i had some things that, frankly, scared me to think of letting go. I think i shared with you some, during the latter part of that school year, the fear that i had of my dad resigning his Pastoral position and leaving the Ministry for a while. I was scared outta my skin by the changes that that would mean. I felt like part of my life, and to be honest, my identity, was being ripped away. But, when i finally learned to give that worry, and even anger, to God He made the situation into something beautiful and better than i could have even imagined... it even revealed to me the importance of finding my identity only in Him and not place it in things that can so easily change.
Thanx so much for posting this poem. I was ecstatic to see that you had chosen to put this particular one on your blog. It's definitely my favorite of yours so far!!!
Good for people to know.
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